I've started writing about it a dozen times. Started, then stopped, knowing that I couldn't yet fully express all that I'm going through- all of the massive changes, transformations that are taking place in my life and within me. I think it's time now to try again.

I've noticed a very obvious trend in all my attempts at expression lately- transformation. From butterflies to Persephone to the big Saturn return stuff, it's all there, right up front. I learn by gradations and in waves, over and over again, so this may become overkill for you by the time I'm through. Not so for me. I learn one part of a lesson only to have it hit me over the head again shortly after, as if someone's trying to tell me, "You don't have it all figured out yet! Dig deeper!" And so I do, and sure enough, there's another layer to the theme to explore and then process through.

The other week, I did a meditation wherein I met the Goddess Kali. If you are unfamiliar with this fierce and powerful figure of the Hindu faith, you really should learn more about her- she is awe-some and amazing! Unfortunately, I am no expert, but can only guide you to this article for more information: http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/a/makali.htm

In the meditation, I was on top of a mountain, surrounded by a ferocious storm. When I met Kali, I prepared to face my fears with her strength of power to help me through. Instead, she turned to me, and with a massive ceremonial axe, she cleaved me in two. Naturally, I couldn't have been more shocked. She then told me that I must put myself together again. A little heartbroken at how broken and helpless I felt and despairing at all the psychic work I must do, I took a little needle and thread and began sewing my two parts together. However, it didn't take me long to realize in my heart that if I kept stitching myself together this way, I would still only be a shadow of myself- patchworked, broken, incomplete. It would work, but not well, and not for long.

So I did the next thing that came to mind. I removed the needle and thread and watched it disappear, and I melted myself down into a puddle on the ground. And in that moment, I thought of the caterpillar, and of the massive and painful transitions he must make to become a butterfly. I thought of myself as a puddle of goo in a cocoon, awaiting transformation (there's that word again). And slowly, slowly, I began building myself a new body of light out of that puddle. A body made out of light- myself, but brighter and more powerful and free than ever before. And in that moment, Kali took my hand and together on the top of that storming mountain, we began the process of facing my fear, only this time, it was both of us who were strong enough and powerful enough to take them on. The meditation turned out to be wildly successful.

(I should take a moment here to note that this meditation (which my mind kind of took over for awhile) was one I did as part of Leonie Dawson's Creative Goddess E-Course (http://tinyurl.com/6uldfzq) - it is absolutely incredible and inspiring- if you're interested in exploring your own creativity in a spirited and vibrant way, please check it out!)

As I face yet another transitional period in my life beginning now, I'm reminded of this powerful inner experience and what it means for me- that sometimes being torn apart is the absolute best thing that can happen to you. It puts you in a position to let go of who you think you are on all your levels, and to create a brand new, vibrant you, more powerful and full of light than you were previously aware was even possible. It's an opportunity for growth, and it can be beautiful if you let it.

 I'm going to take this new opportunity and try to move through it with all the grace and strength I can muster, and build up an even brighter, truer me. May we all find the strength to do this when the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes it's the very best gift we can give ourselves in our times of need.

For those of you in a puddle right now, know that I am sending you light and strength and love to aid you on your journey to rebirth. I may not know you personally, but I believe in you and I am grateful for you. You have the strength to get through this, and you will. You will become a beacon of light for those who follow, and we will all be better for it.

With much love,