I've started writing about it a dozen times. Started, then stopped, knowing that I couldn't yet fully express all that I'm going through- all of the massive changes, transformations that are taking place in my life and within me. I think it's time now to try again.

I've noticed a very obvious trend in all my attempts at expression lately- transformation. From butterflies to Persephone to the big Saturn return stuff, it's all there, right up front. I learn by gradations and in waves, over and over again, so this may become overkill for you by the time I'm through. Not so for me. I learn one part of a lesson only to have it hit me over the head again shortly after, as if someone's trying to tell me, "You don't have it all figured out yet! Dig deeper!" And so I do, and sure enough, there's another layer to the theme to explore and then process through.

The other week, I did a meditation wherein I met the Goddess Kali. If you are unfamiliar with this fierce and powerful figure of the Hindu faith, you really should learn more about her- she is awe-some and amazing! Unfortunately, I am no expert, but can only guide you to this article for more information: http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/a/makali.htm

In the meditation, I was on top of a mountain, surrounded by a ferocious storm. When I met Kali, I prepared to face my fears with her strength of power to help me through. Instead, she turned to me, and with a massive ceremonial axe, she cleaved me in two. Naturally, I couldn't have been more shocked. She then told me that I must put myself together again. A little heartbroken at how broken and helpless I felt and despairing at all the psychic work I must do, I took a little needle and thread and began sewing my two parts together. However, it didn't take me long to realize in my heart that if I kept stitching myself together this way, I would still only be a shadow of myself- patchworked, broken, incomplete. It would work, but not well, and not for long.

So I did the next thing that came to mind. I removed the needle and thread and watched it disappear, and I melted myself down into a puddle on the ground. And in that moment, I thought of the caterpillar, and of the massive and painful transitions he must make to become a butterfly. I thought of myself as a puddle of goo in a cocoon, awaiting transformation (there's that word again). And slowly, slowly, I began building myself a new body of light out of that puddle. A body made out of light- myself, but brighter and more powerful and free than ever before. And in that moment, Kali took my hand and together on the top of that storming mountain, we began the process of facing my fear, only this time, it was both of us who were strong enough and powerful enough to take them on. The meditation turned out to be wildly successful.

(I should take a moment here to note that this meditation (which my mind kind of took over for awhile) was one I did as part of Leonie Dawson's Creative Goddess E-Course (http://tinyurl.com/6uldfzq) - it is absolutely incredible and inspiring- if you're interested in exploring your own creativity in a spirited and vibrant way, please check it out!)

As I face yet another transitional period in my life beginning now, I'm reminded of this powerful inner experience and what it means for me- that sometimes being torn apart is the absolute best thing that can happen to you. It puts you in a position to let go of who you think you are on all your levels, and to create a brand new, vibrant you, more powerful and full of light than you were previously aware was even possible. It's an opportunity for growth, and it can be beautiful if you let it.

 I'm going to take this new opportunity and try to move through it with all the grace and strength I can muster, and build up an even brighter, truer me. May we all find the strength to do this when the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes it's the very best gift we can give ourselves in our times of need.

For those of you in a puddle right now, know that I am sending you light and strength and love to aid you on your journey to rebirth. I may not know you personally, but I believe in you and I am grateful for you. You have the strength to get through this, and you will. You will become a beacon of light for those who follow, and we will all be better for it.

With much love,



08/24/2012 6:31pm

Beautiful blog. You are strong and this is a new phase in your life for sure. Kali is a wonderful goddess. I also wrote a blog about her because she visited me roughly a week ago.

08/24/2012 6:47pm

love it! cocoons are a common theme I've been seeing this past week-

08/24/2012 6:48pm

I too am in a state of transformation, with butterflies showing up everywhere in my life. Kali is a big favorite of mine, and Leonie's meditation on Kali is one of my all-time favorites~ when I did it for the Creative Goddess ecourse this time, it put me in such a deep meditative state, I hit that INSPIRED level, where ideas and inspirations flowed freely! ~ Love that!

08/24/2012 6:52pm

Wow, Lindsay! Powerful. I just got new perspective on the changes I am moving through now, too. What a gift! Sounds like Kali might be behind the recent change in employment. She's setting you free.

Blessings on your journey!


08/24/2012 8:06pm

Sounds like you are doing some deep work there. I love the use of the catepillar metaphor! So wonderul that you are able to see the gifts in this time of transition- very inspiring!

08/24/2012 11:22pm

Very inspiring, Lindsay! I especially love that you were able to become a strong force, a brave woman who could stand next to Kali with no fear. I too have done this meditation, but found myself somewhat afraid of her. Maybe I should revisit and see what happens.

08/27/2012 3:56am

Lindsay, this was so moving. I'm in a bit of a puddle myself at the moment and reading your caterpillar analogy as well as how you turned into a body of light just filled me with hope and optimism. I'm going to get my Goddess cards out later and see what wisdom they have for me during this transition time, I might even meet Kali there :)

08/28/2012 2:36am

Wow. Lindsay, I won't describe this as a comforting read, but the power I felt in it made the hair at the nape of my neck stand on end.

I've seen way too many descriptions of Kali in non-Hindu descriptions that make her out to be some kind of friendly, fluffy goddess of misunderstood benificence if people would only look past her necklace of skulls and blood-dripping blade. This is, I think, the first time in a long while that I've read something that resonates with my understanding of her as a dark, bloody, violent goddess who brings about death and destruction to clear the way for new cycles to begin.

Blessings, and thank you for the sharing.


08/28/2012 11:40am

This was a really powerful read. I have done some work with Kali (and I love Leonie's meditation) and this represents her energy beautiful.
Wishing you fulfilling and nourishing growth.

09/05/2012 4:31pm

Oh this is so interesting! i did the healing goddess meditation a few days ago, and a 'dark' goddess came to me (could have been Kali, I'm not sure) but her message for me was to Embrace the Dark, embrace what I felt was 'bad' (again). Like you, I get hit over the head with the same things over and over...I see it as like GCSE level, then 'A' level, then degree level, then masters level, then phd level - it's really a wonderful thing to be able to go as deep as we do...but sometimes it'd be nice just to get it first time! Great post. xx


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