This week it's hard to hold on to the calling, the beauty in me, the sacredness. 

Blessed be, after months of searching (and praying, and hoping, and chanting to Lakshmi and Ganesh) I finally found a job, one that will help give me the financial freedom I've so desperately needed. I believe the magic did its work- I asked to find the job that would be correct and beneficial to my life now, and got none of the jobs that I expected, but somehow this one came to me at just the right time. I believe it's just what I've been looking for. It's good. It's been such a blessing, but (as often happens), it comes at a bit of a cost.

I work in a warehouse, I'm on my feet eight hours a day, and when I finally collapse at night, I can make neither heads nor tails of life, of myself, of my goddess nature. I'm exhaustified, in pain, and so disconnected from the things that feel holy and sacred to me. It's hard to hold on to, and I'm not sure where the balance is yet.

There is so much work to be done. I feel my life changing all around me, and myself changing within it, a swirling cocoon of transformation on so many levels that it's hard to keep up. It's hard to know what to do with myself, and as the days go on, I'm left with less and less time and energy to devote to this process. Honestly, part of me is scared that if I don't find a way to dive deep into the current of change, somehow I'll lose it. What a silly thought that is, now that I look at it, but a very true fear- that there's a possibility that I'll lose touch with the goddess in me and only be left with a mundane, unremarkable version of myself. 

Perhaps this underlying fear is part of what kept me from finding the success I've been looking for. I will no longer let such fears hold me back from fully inhabiting the life I truly desire. There must be a way to hold on to the lovely, most beautiful things in life, and still find the success and freedom to grow that I deserve. This will take some time to find that balance. I must be patient. I must be strong and fierce. I must call on all my goddess-y powers to help me through this adjustment period. Things will happen as they must, and I will find a way to share my light with the world. I must.

The world needs us to be who we are- to shine, to sparkle, to share our gifts. I'm determined to find a way to share my love with those who need it. And so if nothing else, I'll take a moment here to let you know, reader, that you are loved. That you are needed. That you are important. Let yourself love. Let yourself shine that radiant light that is yours alone. Good things will happen for you, and for all of us. Stay strong.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Blessed be, and Namaste.

Lindsay
 
 
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This is how I'm picturing the garden today- as a lush, luxuriant picnic in the middle of a gorgeous tropical forest, complete with comfy pillows and a snuggly rug to sit on, tasty pastries to snack on, and of course beautiful goddesses in fancy jammies to talk with. Bonus: if you look close, the table is festooned with golden sculptures of peacocks! (Peacocks are one of my very favorite spirit animals.) 

I found this photo at this site and it was so beautiful and got my brain so juiced up with ideas that I just had to share it! 

Right now the grass outside my window is blowing in the breeze of the sunrise, which is just peeking through the canyon. A bird hops around on the ground, puffing its chest out again and again. It's a beautiful morning, with clear blue skies, full of possibility and mystery. 

I was going to write a longer blog today, but my mind is a big ball of blank, and as my wise goddess friend Jaimes reminded me, it must be a time to meditate with that blankness instead of trying to force something that's not going to happen organically or honestly. But before I go, I wanted to let you know just how loved you are. No matter where you are in your life, you are perfectly you, and a beautiful refection of the divine in form. Keep shining today, and remember that you are a gift! Thank you for being you!

Sending you so much love and acceptance today, and being grateful for the reminder that there is a time and a rhythm to creation. Perhaps my ideas need to gestate a little longer before they're ready to be born! Can't wait to share them with you when they're ready.

Have a glorious day!
Blessed be and Namaste,

Lindsay

 
 
A strange thing has been happening to me recently. I've been having these moments where I feel called to do something very large and very important in my life,. The thing is, I haven't been able to put my finger on what exactly I'm meant to be doing. But it's almost as if there are whispers right at the back of my mind and I just can't make out what they're saying. But I KNOW they're there, and I know they're trying to tell me something. Something important. Something beautiful.

I know it's beautiful because when I get this feeling, this calling, the emotion of it is actually quite familiar. I feel like I'm deeply, intensely, earth-shatteringly in love

Now, there may be a million things that I don't know how to do, but one thing I know with absolute certainty that I can do is love. I've been in and out of relationships and engagements and love affairs for 16 years now, and I know what it feels like to be in love. All kinds of love. And this feeling in particular that I've been having is that most delicious of loves- juicy and sweet and powerful and tender, like the energy emanating from your heart is so much bigger than your body; physical form is much too limited to contain it. The kind you can feel all the way in your toes. The kind that makes you glow. It's sparkling and bright and makes me feel like the absolutely best version of me than I can be.

Now, usually I'd have a place to put all that love, somewhere to direct it- usually a to lover (I'm really good at that), sometimes a friend, or even a pet. But lately I haven't had anywhere to put all that extra love coursing through me. It just wells up until I hardly know what to do with myself and I begin to feel kind of lost. Maybe you know what that feels like. It becomes terribly overwhelming.

However, something rather remarkable happened the other day as I was driving around with a friend. That overwhelming emotion started to well up in me again and my heart started to expand to let it all in, and just before I started having a panic attack at how big it was (and the fact that I didn't know what to do with it), that voice at the back of my mind finally spoke all the way up. And it gave me the simplest, yet most unexpected, radical (for me) idea:

Give it to yourself, darling. You deserve it too.

So I hesitated for a moment, wondered if it was even possible... and then I did it anyway. All of the love in my heart, in my soul, from everywhere in my body and beyond, I gave it all to myself. I allowed myself to feel perfectly loved, understood, respected, treasured, and adored simply for being glorious me. For a moment, I treated my own heart as I would a lover's- with joy, kindness, and gentle, sweet caresses of understanding. I love you, I thought to myself. I honor you. I cherish you. You are beautiful and lovely and you deserve all of the good things you are about to bring into your life. Don't give up. 

It was shocking. Transformative. It knocked the wind out of me for a moment with how powerful a concept it was, and I wondered why it had never occurred to me before that I could take all that love in my heart and give it to the person who truly needs it the most- and that person is me. Why had it never occurred to me that I actually deserved all of that love, that it was possible for me to receive it in such a beautiful and simple way? I've spent very nearly all of my 30 years (I wish I could say that was an exaggeration, but it's really not) seeking out love from all different, amazing sources outside of myself- looking for acceptance, for comfort, for someone to tell me I was worthy of all of the things my soul was screaming that it wanted. And in the blink of an eye, everything changed. Everything changed the moment I realized the radical notion that my very best, most endless and constant source of love was right inside of me. 

Now, every day, I try to remember to give myself love. I tell myself all the little things I adore about being me, including how beautiful I think I am, and how grateful I am to have myself in my life and to enjoy my own company! It's the greatest love affair I think I've ever had, and it's completely unconditional and absolutely limitless!

Today, try to take a few minutes and give yourself all the love in your heart. Know that you deserve it, that you are worthy of it and so much more. You are beautiful, darling. Give it to yourself. Give it all. It'll be worth it.

Love, 
Lindsay
 
 
My life is completely up in the air. If you're a Taurus like me, you might be able to understand, but if you're not, I'm afraid I can't quite crystallize for you exactly how much I hate this feeling. Hate, as in Loathe. Despise.

Two months ago, I stood next to a small bonfire in a friend's backyard, feeling all the tethers of my life slowly untying themselves and slipping away. My relationship with my long-term live-in love-partner ("boyfriend" doesn't quite cut it) and best friend of 15 years was ending- a tragedy in and of itself worthy of months of mourning. But the repercussions could be felt much further. Because my relationship was ending, it meant that I would have to move back "home" to a city more than an hour away from the gorgeous mountain town we'd been living in for close to a year. Because of this move, it meant that I lost my job as a creative writing instructor for teens. And with my new living situation, it was not possible to move pets with me, so I even lost my sweet kitten-lover-baby, Leilu, who I'd had for four years.

So it goes... this was my life as I entered my 30th year- single, unemployed, broke, and surrounded with loss.

However, amidst the wreckage of my former life, I gained something momentous... life-changing, even. And it set magical things in motion for my life, even as my old life fell away from me, as I stood next to that fire months ago. 

I reconnected with my tribe of goddesses. You know what I'm talking about. The circle of beautiful, strong, passionate, creative, spiritual women in your life who inspire you with their talents, wisdom, and insights. The women who are living in their bliss and who give you permission and support to do the same. Women so unique and gorgeous in their own individual way, but each with a common spark of brilliance that pulls you in and whispers, "It's okay. You're beautiful too. You can be whatever your heart sings for you to be." And with their love and support, you begin to believe it's true. 

I pray you have some of these angelic creatures in your own life. If you don't yet, that's okay. I'd like to introduce you to mine, and together we can begin dreaming of brand-new sparkling adventures for our hearts to journey on. And to do that, I've created a sacred, special place for us to set our souls free. This space right here. Already within you. A place of peace, ease, safety, support, and beauty. I want you to close your eyes and imagine a garden- the most gorgeous one your imagination can conceive of- green and lush, full of life and possibility, comfy and cozy and singing with all the most precious things of your heart. That place of ultimate truth in you. That's where we'll meet to dream and talk about our journeys and make fantastical plans for the beautiful flow of life. I'd like to invite you to come sit with me as I plant the seeds for my future- a future I can't even imagine yet, but one that I know will be gorgeous and wonderful and filled with bliss.

May you plant your own seeds of hope and love in your life, and may they turn out to be even more magical than you envision. 
Blessed be, and Namaste,

Lindsay