This week it's hard to hold on to the calling, the beauty in me, the sacredness. 

Blessed be, after months of searching (and praying, and hoping, and chanting to Lakshmi and Ganesh) I finally found a job, one that will help give me the financial freedom I've so desperately needed. I believe the magic did its work- I asked to find the job that would be correct and beneficial to my life now, and got none of the jobs that I expected, but somehow this one came to me at just the right time. I believe it's just what I've been looking for. It's good. It's been such a blessing, but (as often happens), it comes at a bit of a cost.

I work in a warehouse, I'm on my feet eight hours a day, and when I finally collapse at night, I can make neither heads nor tails of life, of myself, of my goddess nature. I'm exhaustified, in pain, and so disconnected from the things that feel holy and sacred to me. It's hard to hold on to, and I'm not sure where the balance is yet.

There is so much work to be done. I feel my life changing all around me, and myself changing within it, a swirling cocoon of transformation on so many levels that it's hard to keep up. It's hard to know what to do with myself, and as the days go on, I'm left with less and less time and energy to devote to this process. Honestly, part of me is scared that if I don't find a way to dive deep into the current of change, somehow I'll lose it. What a silly thought that is, now that I look at it, but a very true fear- that there's a possibility that I'll lose touch with the goddess in me and only be left with a mundane, unremarkable version of myself. 

Perhaps this underlying fear is part of what kept me from finding the success I've been looking for. I will no longer let such fears hold me back from fully inhabiting the life I truly desire. There must be a way to hold on to the lovely, most beautiful things in life, and still find the success and freedom to grow that I deserve. This will take some time to find that balance. I must be patient. I must be strong and fierce. I must call on all my goddess-y powers to help me through this adjustment period. Things will happen as they must, and I will find a way to share my light with the world. I must.

The world needs us to be who we are- to shine, to sparkle, to share our gifts. I'm determined to find a way to share my love with those who need it. And so if nothing else, I'll take a moment here to let you know, reader, that you are loved. That you are needed. That you are important. Let yourself love. Let yourself shine that radiant light that is yours alone. Good things will happen for you, and for all of us. Stay strong.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Blessed be, and Namaste.



05/25/2012 7:46pm

You'll find the balance, Linds. It is an adjustment, surely, but you are strong, and beautiful and full of love. Lately, to help myself find my Goddess, I've been gardening, and really, at this point all I've done is plant the seeds and watered them every day. But those ten minutes out in the sunshine, helping something delicious to grow allows me to feel peaceful after a crazy stupid day at work. Also, staying physically active helps a ton, too. I know the last thing you want to do after being on your feet all day is exercise, but honestly, it helps me to not be so damn tired. Even if it's just a little walk in the evening, it helps.

06/04/2012 1:18am

Love and strength to you as you seek balance. Something I am taking baby steps on in my own path may resonate with you. Whenever I think of doing so--which is hardly ever so far, but I'm just starting--I find comparisons, connections, or even prayers to link whatever mundane thing I'm doing with my spiritual journey. Some examples: "As I drive this car, so may I also steer my life where I want it to go." "Blessings on all the myriad people of history who invented and improved upon indoor plumbing, hot water, and soap." "As I warm this food and eat it, may my spirit also be warmed and fed." Today I even found myself comparing peeing, on a quick restroom break, to emptying my heart of cares. Anything can work for me, if I only think to do this. (And that's a big if.)


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