A strange thing has been happening to me recently. I've been having these moments where I feel called to do something very large and very important in my life,. The thing is, I haven't been able to put my finger on what exactly I'm meant to be doing. But it's almost as if there are whispers right at the back of my mind and I just can't make out what they're saying. But I KNOW they're there, and I know they're trying to tell me something. Something important. Something beautiful.

I know it's beautiful because when I get this feeling, this calling, the emotion of it is actually quite familiar. I feel like I'm deeply, intensely, earth-shatteringly in love

Now, there may be a million things that I don't know how to do, but one thing I know with absolute certainty that I can do is love. I've been in and out of relationships and engagements and love affairs for 16 years now, and I know what it feels like to be in love. All kinds of love. And this feeling in particular that I've been having is that most delicious of loves- juicy and sweet and powerful and tender, like the energy emanating from your heart is so much bigger than your body; physical form is much too limited to contain it. The kind you can feel all the way in your toes. The kind that makes you glow. It's sparkling and bright and makes me feel like the absolutely best version of me than I can be.

Now, usually I'd have a place to put all that love, somewhere to direct it- usually a to lover (I'm really good at that), sometimes a friend, or even a pet. But lately I haven't had anywhere to put all that extra love coursing through me. It just wells up until I hardly know what to do with myself and I begin to feel kind of lost. Maybe you know what that feels like. It becomes terribly overwhelming.

However, something rather remarkable happened the other day as I was driving around with a friend. That overwhelming emotion started to well up in me again and my heart started to expand to let it all in, and just before I started having a panic attack at how big it was (and the fact that I didn't know what to do with it), that voice at the back of my mind finally spoke all the way up. And it gave me the simplest, yet most unexpected, radical (for me) idea:

Give it to yourself, darling. You deserve it too.

So I hesitated for a moment, wondered if it was even possible... and then I did it anyway. All of the love in my heart, in my soul, from everywhere in my body and beyond, I gave it all to myself. I allowed myself to feel perfectly loved, understood, respected, treasured, and adored simply for being glorious me. For a moment, I treated my own heart as I would a lover's- with joy, kindness, and gentle, sweet caresses of understanding. I love you, I thought to myself. I honor you. I cherish you. You are beautiful and lovely and you deserve all of the good things you are about to bring into your life. Don't give up. 

It was shocking. Transformative. It knocked the wind out of me for a moment with how powerful a concept it was, and I wondered why it had never occurred to me before that I could take all that love in my heart and give it to the person who truly needs it the most- and that person is me. Why had it never occurred to me that I actually deserved all of that love, that it was possible for me to receive it in such a beautiful and simple way? I've spent very nearly all of my 30 years (I wish I could say that was an exaggeration, but it's really not) seeking out love from all different, amazing sources outside of myself- looking for acceptance, for comfort, for someone to tell me I was worthy of all of the things my soul was screaming that it wanted. And in the blink of an eye, everything changed. Everything changed the moment I realized the radical notion that my very best, most endless and constant source of love was right inside of me. 

Now, every day, I try to remember to give myself love. I tell myself all the little things I adore about being me, including how beautiful I think I am, and how grateful I am to have myself in my life and to enjoy my own company! It's the greatest love affair I think I've ever had, and it's completely unconditional and absolutely limitless!

Today, try to take a few minutes and give yourself all the love in your heart. Know that you deserve it, that you are worthy of it and so much more. You are beautiful, darling. Give it to yourself. Give it all. It'll be worth it.

Love, 
Lindsay
 


Comments

05/19/2012 2:31pm

"Give it to yourself, darling. You deserve it too"

Truth, that. =)

Reply
sadie
05/19/2012 5:02pm

Taking time to love and understand someone is incredibly difficult -- especially if it's yourself. You are so beautiful, Lindsay. Inside, and out. You deserve to be loved, and right now taking the time to focus that love you give to others towards you is probably one of the best things you can do.

Your writing is lovely. I'm looking forward to reading more about your wonderful transition.

Reply
jaimes
05/20/2012 10:09am

"And if thou seeketh to know Me, know that they seeking and thy yearning shall avail thee not, until thou knowest the mystery: that if that which thou seekest thou findest not within thee, then thou wilt never find it without thee. For behold, I has been with thee from the beginning; and I am that which is attained at the end of desire."

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06/05/2012 3:55pm

Thank you! I was guided here from the Goddess Circle website and reading this post really spoke to me today! It was a message I needed to hear after the last couple of days. Beautiful post. Much love to you. x

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06/08/2012 10:35am

Oh this is so beautiful and so incredibly synchronistic, Lynn. I blogged about a similar experience on my Seer Pathways blog just the other day. We are awakening. This is what is happening... We are finally letting go to all blocks to love. The Venus transit really brought it on. You describe it beautifully and I feel blessed and honour to share you experience in this way. Love and blessings, Lisa

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06/08/2012 4:16pm

very cool Lindsay!

Reply
06/11/2012 8:42am

Oh...this...this is beautiful. And, although I didn't know it until I read it, it was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you thank you thank you. xo

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